Parenting Tips to Ease Back to School Anxiety
As the new school year approaches, parents and children alike may experience a rollercoaster of emotions. From excitement to nervousness, these feelings are entirely normal and often stem from the uncertainty that accompanies the start of a new school year. As a parent, it's essential to recognize and validate your child's emotions while instilling confidence and offering support. Here are some practical parenting tips to help your child navigate back to school with a positive mindset and readiness to embrace the opportunities that lie ahead.
Embrace the Mixed Emotions
At the start of the school year, your child may go back and forth between excitement and anxiety. This comes as no surprise as there are often things kids look forward to, such as seeing their friends again, and also things that are uncertain and unknown that can cause anxiety, like what will their teacher be like, who will I sit with at lunch, and what if they pile on loads of homework this year. Understanding that anxiety and excitement both activate the nervous system can help you empathize with your child’s emotions. They might get butterflies in their stomach or a racing heart, whether they’re excited and anxious. Likewise, when something is important, people can feel excited and look forward to it or flip into anxiety, worrying about whether that it won’t go well. All of this to say, don’t be alarmed or confused if your child seems to be switching from a positive, excited state to a negative, anxious state. All these mixed emotions are normal, and even expected.
Validate the Nerves
Uncertainty often triggers anxiety, and the school year often feels full of unknowns. Instead of brushing aside their concerns with reassurances like, “You’ll be fine,”), take the time to really listen and validate their feelings. Let them know it makes sense that they’re nervous. For example, “Of course, you’re excited to meet new people, but also a little nervous that it won’t happen since it’s something that you want to happen.” By acknowledging their worries, you give your child a safe space to express themselves without judgment. Encourage your child to also look for opportunities that might lie ahead. You can explain that starting something new is like being an explorer and getting curious about the new surroundings. By looking for possibilities and opportunities, it makes it easier for their brains to find opportunities instead of problems.
Instill Confidence
Instilling confidence requires a bit of what I call realistic optimism -- acknowledging what is or might be hard but letting them know they have everything inside of them and support from others to figure out what lies ahead. Encourage them to take one step at a time and be patient. It’s impossible to have it all figured out right away. The only way to really know and figure out what to do is to go and gather information, like an explorer. Then, they can make a new plan or ask for help. Empathize with having to face their fears and assure them you have confidence in their ability to gather information, make new plans, or ask for help. Once you’ve listened and validated their feelings, offer to brainstorm ideas with them, if they seem ready to hear them. Sometimes, children simply want you to listen. If they're not ready to hear ideas, let them know you're there for them no matter what.
Help Your Child Know What to Expect
Since uncertainty fuels anxiety, providing information about the upcoming school year can significantly reduce anxiety. Offer the details you do know about the school year and classroom environment. You can even drive by the school or do a practice drop-off. Create visual schedules or calendars that have school information, activities, lunch menus, or daily schedules. Another way to help kids feel more comfortable with the start of the school year is to list out what might be the same and what might be different. You can even frame it as a game - how many things are kind of the same and what things really are different. Having a sense of the familiar can bring a sense of comfort and reduce anxiety about the changes.
Be an Anchor For Your Child
When our children are distressed or struggling, it tugs on a parent's heartstrings. It’s natural to feel anxious and excited for them. Parents want their children to be happy and honestly, it's hard to see them struggle. Sometimes, parents can even worry that their kids don't seem worried enough! Sometimes if a parent's excitement is more than the child's, it can have the unintended effect of pressuring the child to have a great day, rather than experiencing it for what it is, including moments that are enjoyable and some that may not be.
It’s essential that parents are aware of their own emotions, so they don’t inadvertently transmit anxiety or excitement to their children. Instead, be a steady anchor of support. Take your cues for conversation from your child, listening actively to what they say and what they don't say. Offer empathy, understanding, and encouragement to create a safe space for them to share their feelings openly. Your child can feel and will respond to your emotional current.
Back-to-school season is a time of growth and new beginnings for parents and children. By empathizing with your child's emotions, maintaining open communication, and fostering a growth mindset, you can help your children approach the school year with excitement and confidence. As parents, you play a vital role in providing support and shaping their experience as they embark on the new adventure of the school year.