Moving Beyond Surviving

We’re about a month into various stages of social distancing, sheltering at home, working from home and learning from home. Where are you at? Where are your kids at?  

Regardless of where we’re at, which may change day by day or even moment to moment, we’re in this for the long-haul. Dr. April Seifert aptly likened the Coronavirus pandemic to “an endurance event none of us signed up for”.  We have to survive, but can we also thrive?

Show grace and compassion.

No one has it all figured out. We do the best we can for where we’re at. Give yourself permission to take time figure how to make this work and to make mistakes along the way. Maybe they are not even mistakes. Consider it doing your best given current circumstances and information. Be ready for ongoing adaptation.

We can’t do it all.  When was the last time we had to figure out how to teach, work, and parent at the same time? We’ll need to prioritize, let go, and lower some expectations. Know that even on difficult days, you (and your children) are doing your best.

Avoid comparison and competition.  What is working for you and your family might not work for others and vice versa. We’re all working to do the best we can. Appreciate each other and show kindness. 

Connect to communicate.

Reflect to connect. Encourage communication by paraphrasing back what you hear. Let them know you are listening, not fixing or dismissing.

Get curious.  Understand to collaborate. Avoid starting conversations with accusations or assumptions. Make a statement of concern or observation and ask them in a neutral way for more information. (e.g., What’s going on with that? Was there something that got in the way? I’m confused, I thought you were going to finish that. How’d that work out?)

Have fun. Children need to enjoy spending time with family. Find the time to relax and have fun with family. With online learning and juggling responsibilities, it’s easy to get caught up in the to-do list.

Act in ways that support what we value and who we are.

Pause and reflect on what’s important. Identify your values. These create a compass to prioritize. What we do and how we choose to respond either moves us toward creating a meaningful life and connections or moves us away from what we value.

Focus and build on strengths. Strengths also help us navigate challenges.  Wear your strengths wristbands is a great activity for younger children and teens and adults can take the VIA Character Strengths Survey.

Check in daily. The Greater Good Magazine presented six questions as a way to increase awareness day to day:

These questions keep the focus on TODAY.

They are also value-driven:

health, gratitude, connection, flexibility, and compassion.

Navigating through the pandemic will test perseverance but also highlight our strengths and clarify values. Life is offering us opportunities to develop flexibility, adapt to change, and build resilience. We want to be active participants in moving forward rather than waiting for the pandemic to end and things getting “back to normal.”  We have to survive. I believe that we can thrive.

Anxiety in the Time of Coronavirus (COVID-19)

COVID-19 is a game-changer, at least for now. Life as we know it will change, for awhile. Not surprisingly, COVID-19 can produce heightened, potentially unnecessary anxiety,. Three primary factors causing anxiety are uncertainty, the unexpected, and a lack of control – all of which COVID-19 undeniably generates. Granted, we should have SOME anxiety. Consider anxiety as having three distinct zones:

In relation the Coronavirus, we should be in the Yellow Zone, maybe even high in the Yellow Zone. Being cautious, planning and preparing is what needs to be done. We do not need to panic (i.e., Red Zone). We should keep informed of recommended guidelines and take action (i.e., social distancing, washing hands and surfaces), following them to the best our ability. Rather than obsessively checking the news, statistics, and scrolling the internet and Facebook for news, set aside time for checking in each day at a certain time for a limited amount of time.

Our goal is to weather this pandemic storm together and manage any anxiety provoked by it so we don’t land ourselves in the Red Zone and don’t let thoughts of the Coronavirus consume our lives.

Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot do.

Acknowledge disappointment but focus on alternatives. Make the changes work for you. Suddenly, we have more time on our hands that we might know what to do with. It likely feels surreal and unnatural. How many times, however, have we wished we had more, unscheduled time? Take advantage of it. With my recently appropriated staycation, I am looking forward to playing more games, decluttering my house, reading, spending time with family, developing a new home workout routine, catching up on some rest, and cooking with my kids. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

View the pandemic as an opportunity to practice and model flexibility, resilience, and kindness.

Flexibility and resilience are qualities that help us become successful as human beings. This is the epitome of the proverbial Plan A not working. It’s a good thing we have an entire alphabet to develop new plans. Learn to accept and tolerate uncertainty as par for the course. Base decisions on information that you have, take things one step at a time, and adjust accordingly. Find ways to be kind to others, whether it’s cooking or leaving food for others, writing letters, using your talents to help others (e.g., online tutoring).

Get Creative.

Given all the change, we’re going to tap into our creativity. We will have to think outside the box and develop new ways of doing things, including maintaining social connection. Social media and technology can be a boon instead of a problem. We can create virtual hangouts, post virtual performances, or even watch movies “together” virtually. My boys already talk to each other while playing video games. In this time of social isolation, connect through writing letters, particularly to grandparents or the elderly who may feel even more isolated given their heightened risk.

Build in Structure

Given disruption in our daily lives and social distancing, we all likely have more time on our hands. Children, and adults for that matter, do well when there is structure. Maintain a regular sleep-wake cycle and mealtimes. Identify what goals are important to you, such as family time, exercise, learning, fun, and creativity and brainstorm activities that support these goals, working them into your day. Even if kids aren’t fully on board, plant seeds and model.  For example, I have a puzzle lying out on a table, anyone can work on as they pass by. We’re planning meals that involve teamwork and time that we usually don’t have time for (e.g., lasagna).

We will weather this pandemic. If we weather it together.

“Life has not been cancelled, only changed. Change is not necessarily bad, only different.”

Check here for additional resources regarding the Coronavirus and managing your well-being.